Reasons Why I Hate Nigerian (Yoruba) Parties

Hi all…Basically I attended this Nigerian party a little over a month ago and before I went I was so excited because the last time I attended one was in 2005. However, the perfect night which I had carefully dreamt of was in reality the most dreadful night ever.

1.       The moment you enter that party, you get other Nigerian women giving you dirty looks for no apparent reason. At first you feel like maybe you have some bogey stuck up your nose but then you realise that you probably look so hot that it bothers them.

 

2.       Old men eye you up and stare at your behind. Why can’t these married men be satisfied with their wives and children and leave us young babes for the young single men??

 

3.       Bunch of show offs. They want to show off their hair, jewellery money, dance moves. What happened to parties being a place where we could all celebrate together and enjoy each other company? Seems like a petty competition.

 

4.       The older aunties like to send us young ones around like slaves to get them drinks and food. They know how to use those two legs of theirs to shake their butts but can’t use the same legs to get their own food…mtcheeew.

 

5.       Nigerians don’t know how to queue up for the buffet food. They jump in line, push whoever is in the way and makes sure the person serving serves them before anyone else. I swear I could’ve stabbed one of those women with my heels if I wasn’t such a lady.

 

6.       Dress code: paying 30 pounds for the clothes material that probably cost 10/15 pounds…and everyone end up wearing the same uniforms…do I look like I’m in school??

 

7.       Drama!!! Drama!!! Drama!!! This aunty is quarrelling with that aunty because she said this and that about that one even though it was probably not true because another aunty was the one spreading the lies to corrupt the first two aunties friendship and another aunty decides to stab the third aunty in the back and spill the beans when the first two aunties have already cursed themselves to death and sworn never to talk to one another again. Are you confused yet?

 

8.       We are celebrating a child’s birthday and yet it looks like it’s an adult party because all the children have been sent home. Who is the one year old celebrant??…the child or the parents?

 

9.       Make Up…OMG…Am I at a circus?? The drawn eyebrows, the over sized blusher that clearly doesn’t match your skin tone. I know I have had a few make up disaster but per-leeze…have these women heard of a fringin’ mirror? C’mon!!!!!

 

10.   Why is it that 90 per cent of these women are lighter than my teeth? Lay off the bleach please and be happy of the way God created you. It’s so obvious you bleached because your elbow is blacker than my hair…not a good look thanks.

Conclusion: I shall not be going to a Nigerian Party any time soon…it was a disaster and I was so bored I wanted to shoot myself.

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5 thoughts on “Reasons Why I Hate Nigerian (Yoruba) Parties

  1. LOL.. Let it all out La Bella–don’t keep it bottled in. I can imagine how badly you felt, but was there no redeeming aspect to that party you recently went to? :)

    I mean–was the food bad as well–after you elbowed and clawed your way to the front of the buffet line? Okay just kidding, you kept it classy all the way, waiting for your turn and somehow managed not to get any food at all?

    And how about the music and dancing? No correct Owambe music to get dancing–or at least close to dancing?

    U know, for me a party should just be about the good and generous supply of food or refreshments and of course the good music. Every other thing is embellishment. What is it that you ladies go to parties for anyway? :)

    So, what about the guys that the ladies were supposedly overdecorated to meet? What, not enough guys showed up–and so there was stiff competition between the ladies to the point that they were throwing jealous looks at each other? Is that it? :)

    Anwyay to be serious, don’t give up on Naija parties yet. You know that around other Nigerians, Nigerians often let their ‘razzness’ come out. So next time, if you feel like the people were being quite rude and obnoxious, you have to put you goodie-too-shoes persona in a box and show them that you can be an area mother! :) If you have to execute a pile driver (a wrestling move) to clear your way to front of a queue, hey then thats what you gotta do.

    And if any wench looks at you the wrong way, do the fashionable YORUBA thing–tie your gele properly, tie ur wrapper very well, and get ready for a brawl–of course making sure you give the person an earful if you don’t actually intend to fight! :)

    Next time you show up at one of these regular parties, your fame or reputation will make sure funky people stay clear of you. Naija ppl sabi demo–next demo well well!

  2. I seriously enjoyed point 7,8,9…….kids party but grown up making ‘aso ebi’ – seriously, are you kidding me? sometimes I wonder if it a curse?…..our extravagance and manner of throwing parties. taeee you did not mention branded gift items (take away), is any Nigerian party complete without that nowadays? Do people still bleach???? thought consensus is now that it’s so old ‘skool’.

    Hilarious and thought provoking story……wonder if we would ever change

  3. Im East AFrican and I can’t stand Nigerians in general as well..I have a lot on facebook and very few as friends. The ones I’ve encountered have just always had this “Im better than u” type feeling about them. Some of them are really hard working and go to top schools but even the ones that don’t feel as if they are IT! Most are super unattractive and yet still carry on as if ur a piece of shit lucky to be in their presence! They come to America and try sooo hard to fit in with black American culture. They look down on other Africans even though ..generally speakin…other Africans from the East particularly look wayyy better than they do with nicer bodies instead of rolls. I just don’t get where this cocky attitude comes from. I HATE how ppl act like they represent Africa when Africa is soo much more than just Nigeria. Most Africans don’t take to them. OMG! Come Independence day they’re all over social networking sites promoting Nigeria…they just have a rude way about them. They look down on us and have this ugly mentality. They needa wakeup and realize they are some of the most unattractive Africans. I get soo offended when people ask if I’m nigerian..it rarely has ever happened tho.. They needa come down! Of course these are only encounters I’ve had! Maybe there’s Nigerians out there who would prove me wrong. I’m really only talking about the girls tho… the boys are chill as usually accept for hitting on u.

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